Victims of dog poo should cry foul

I have fallen victim to the menace of modern suburbia. Not burglary, car theft or the intense competition of making sure your lawn’s as neat and tidy as next door’s. But dog poo.
There’s loads of it. Everywhere. You can’t walk down the road without having to swerve your bike/feet/pushchair to avoid getting covered in the stuff.
There were 7.3 million dogs in Britain last year and the worrying this is the number is growing day by day. They crap, apparently, an estimated 1,000 tonnes of mess a day.
I am writing to my local councillors about it. But they’re liberal democrats so I won’t hold my breath (which is more than I can say when stepping out on to the street). They probably won’t want to offend the cuddly pooches. But I do. With a syringe and a nice bed time story.
The owners of these offending beasts are supposed to get an instant fine for not clearing up their beloved’s public mess but I’ll be staggered if anyone has actually ever been caught.
Let’s face it, it’s impossible to police because all the owner has to do, even in the face if an eye witness, is deny responsiblity for said turd and presto, we’re into expensive court hearings, solicitors etc which no authority has the desire, or spare cash, to persue.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve not seen a council poo inspector round my way and now the pavements are laden with the stuff.
There is a vaguely serious point here. If young kids pick up and eat dog faces they could die or go blind. There’s a thing called toxocariasis. It’s foul.
But that’s not important enough for self-regarding dog owners who have such scant regard for anyone else’s health or happiness they can’t bothered carrying a plastic bag around with them, is it?
Councils are doing their best. They have at least banned dogs from the local play areas and such and can’t be blamed for people’s abdication of responsibility.
But it's time for those who suffer in silence to make themselves heard and hit back.
I have, in my more wilder dreams, hatched a plan.
For the woman who walks around our way blindly letting her dogs do their business wherever they want without a pooper scooper in sight, I follow her home. And shit on her front door step.
I suggest those of you who are fed up being knee deep in dog mess do the same.
We may be fined. We may end up with a crimimal record.
But we’ll feel a whole lot better, in more ways than one.